


I just want you to know who I am

by MissGuimauve



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 12:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2581235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGuimauve/pseuds/MissGuimauve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during 2x19: Regina didn't give Belle the Lacey's memories</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An unexpected visitor

She hadn't been feeling well for a few days. She had recovered from her physical injuries and didn't need medicines to calm her down anymore. But still, something was wrong. Whatever she was doing, reading a book Ruby had brought her, watching TV or simply resting on her bed, whatever she was doing she couldn't help but think. She was thinking about Mr Gold, about how mean she had been with him, about how much she would have liked a chance to apologize and get to know him. But know it was too late... Now that he was dead, so was a tiny bit of her heart. “Chipped” she thought. “No one can see it, but there's this little broken part, a part of my life which has vanished with him...”.  
So, when this morning, a knock on her door interrupted her reading, making her raise her head to see a smiling Mr Gold looking at her, she couldn't help but sigh in relief.  
“You... You're alive...”  
“Indeed I am”, he answered, looking amused. “I imagine my last phone call was a bit alarming...” he added as he entered the room to approach her.  
“Yeah... Sounded like you were on your death bed...” she answer, trying to hide her emotions but feeling that her voice was trembling.  
“I'm really sorry if I startled you” he said as he reached the left side of her bed, standing, heavily relying on his cane as if his life was depending on it, but showing nothing but confidence in his face. He finally sighed and continued. “I know that you have no memory of me, but my feelings for you are real. And I just needed you to know that, in case... well, in case I died...”  
She looked at him the whole time. By the way he was speaking, it seemed he had prepared a speech but that now, standing in front of her, he was struggling with words, and she felt tears rising in her eyes.  
“I'm glad you're okay... And I can tell your feelings were true.”  
“You could?” he asked, really surprised by her answer.  
“I have a sense about people... I cannot explain how but... I can just tell.”  
At her words, she saw a spark of hope turning on his eyes.  
“So you...believe we know each other?”  
Yes, she wanted to answer him. But then, she knew she had already been too rough with him the previous days and she didn't want to lose him again.  
“I believe that... whatever caused me to forget myself means that I have a past and... that past probably included you.”   
A smile was now illuminating his face.  
“It did” he simply answered, and she read in his eyes how much he cared for her. So, she decided to be brave. Because she felt she could trust him. And because she needed answers.  
“When I... When I was injured I... This is gonna sound crazy...” she hesitated, but then, as she turned to face him, for her pale blue eyes to meet his dark ones, she continued. “I remember you healing me...”  
After some silent seconds which seemed entire minutes to her, Mr Gold smiled.   
“You've been through a lot, serious injuries. All the drugs you've been on since you've been here.... Once you remember who you are, it'll all become clear.”  
It wasn't the answer she expected, and it seemed like it wasn't the entire truth, but it seemed too early for her to hear this truth she was desperately seeking for and it appeared Mr Gold knew that. Understood that. And above all, understood her. So, she knew what she had to do.  
“Can you help me do that? Remember who I am?”  
“Only if you help me remember who I am...” he replied in the same breath, confusing her.   
“Sorry, what?”  
“Belle, you... you always brought out the best of me. And right now I need that. So yes, I will do everything I can, to bring you back. For you, and for me.”  
His words went straight to her heart. He was going to help her. She was going to remember. And most of all, she felt good, with him next to her. Protected. Comfortable. Loved. So, she put her hand on his own, and smiled at his eyes which had gone down to her touch.  
“We can help each other...”  
“Yeah...” he shyly nodded, and it's only after a few seconds, savoring the touch of her hand on his own, that he decided to move. “Let's talk to someone who can get you out of here. You've been locked up long enough.”  
“Thank you...” she whispered, as she looked at him leaving the room.


	2. Free

When Mr Gold came back, Belle had already packed up her things and was ready to go. He took the little suitcase Ruby had brought her the day after her accident, and without a word, he showed her the exit. She smiled, shyly, both happy and excited to finally leave this place, but also a bit afraid of what she would find outside. She knew people knew her – or at least who she used to be – that they would look at her, talk to her even, that she will discover the life she had left and that she needed to find again, even if her new self didn't want it. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed she had stopped just in front of the door. She looked at Mr Gold, ready to apologize, but he was smiling at her, a soft smile, kind, reassuring.  
“I'm sorry... I'm... Afraid...” she said, confused.  
“No need to apologize, sweetheart. If you don't feel ready, you can stay here a few more days.”  
“No!” she exclaimed, and if she thought she had been too bold, she faced his soft laugh rather than his surprise.   
“You've always been so brave, Belle. Come, take my arm and hold on to me.” he said, and she did so, she put her hands around his arms, and when she felt him tighten his pist on his cane , she tightened her hold on his arm, took a deep breath, and they both came across the door.  
Outside, the air was warmer than she expected. The first thing she noticed was all the noises trying to invade her head, especially the new ones that she couldn't identify as the light was blinding her. Only Mr Gold's regular breath reassured her. Rapidly, her sight became clear, and she could see the streets, the cars, the people.  
“Are you alright?”  
“Yes, sorry. Everything is a bit... confusing. Both strange and familiar. Like... I know I knew those streets, those faces, I know I've seen them thousand times before, but I just... I don't remember seeing them.”  
“And you're afraid.”  
“Sorry?”  
“Afraid that this old life you've forgotten isn't what you expect, that the person you are now is going to be disappointed, that this life you so much want to take back isn't, in the end, what you really want...”  
His voice sounded so sad it broke Belle's heart. But rapidly, he talked again.  
“But perhaps this... amnesia you see like a curse is more of a blessing. The opportunity to start something new. With nothing to fear, no one to judge you neither. The opportunity to discover new places, meet new people...”  
“I don't think I would want that new life. All I want is get to know the girl I used to be. And get to know you, too. We have to help each other, remember? I have to help you remember who you are. And I most definitely will.” she said with a huge smile, making all the fear and sadness in his eyes disappear.  
“You've always been too kind to me... Come on, I'll show you the town.”  
“I...”  
“Yes?”  
“I actually remember something. I remember that I've been to the asylum...before. And that someone released me and guided me to your shop. I... I think I'd like to see it. Perhaps I will recover some of my memories there...”  
“Sure. It's this way.”  
She gladly followed him, but this time, she didn't hold on his arm, feeling the need to stand for herself. Mr Gold didn't frown, but he walked a bit faster, as if he wanted to end this uncomfortable silence as soon as possible. Belle felt sorry for him, but didn't knew what to say, afraid she would say something wrong and afraid that, even if he didn't tell, he was in a way angry with her, the girl who took his lover away. What she didn't know, was that Mr Gold wasn't angry at all. He was just as afraid as she was. He wanted to take her hand, to tell her he loved her, that everything was going to be fine, but he didn't dare. He was too afraid, afraid of seeing the shy but beautiful smile on her face disappear, to frighten her as he did the day which followed her ''accident''. Afraid of losing her once again. Indeed, when he thought about it, he realized he was for her nothing more than a stranger who promised things he wasn't even sure he could bring her. But then, since he didn't know how to bring her memories back, he had at least to try, because she deserved it, and because everything she had been through was all his fault.


	3. A tour of your former life

“Welcome to my shop!” he said, proudly, as they arrived under the pawnbrocker's sign. “You want to come in?”  
“Sure” she replied, making him open the door.   
Inside, Belle found a world of wonders. Everywhere, objects of all sorts were giving the room an identity. On the shelf, an ivory game of chess was waiting for a player to make one last move, from the ceiling were hanging two eeriely smiling puppets, and on the counter, an old-fashioned globe was still spinning with the wind.   
“So?” he timidly asked.  
“So I think it's perfect... and I think it suits you.”  
“Old...” he replied.  
“No, of course not. I'd say... experienced. All these items, they have an identity, a story. It's what make them unique.” she said, taking a dusty book in her hand to browse through it.  
“Thank you... So, do you remember something?”  
“I'm afraid not... But I'm glad I came here. It helps me get to know you a bit more. This book really looks interesting, by the way.”  
“You can have it if you want.”  
“C'mon I'm sure I couldn't afford one single item here.” she teased him, but it seemed he didn't get it, for he simply looked down.  
“That wasn't what I meant.”  
“I know, I'm sorry, I was just trying to get you smile.”  
Confronted to his silence, she closed the book and looked at him. Despite the smile he was forcing on his face, he looked sad.   
“So, what are we doing next?” she happily asked, heading towards him.  
“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”  
“Well... I was thinking that, maybe, we could... see the town together? I mean, perhaps it will help me remember. And anyway, I want to see the place where I used to live, the people I used to know...”  
“A kind of tour of your life?”  
“Of my former life, yes.”  
“Don't say that” he said, taking her hand. “You might not remember, but your memories, this 'former you' you are talking about, it is still here, in your heart.”  
“Thank you...”  
“What are we waiting for? Let's go!” he said, with a new spark in his eyes.

They had walked for almost an hour along the streets, Belle being once again marveled by everything, from the simple come and go of the town to the bird delicately settling on a branch. But Mr Gold was nervous. Of course he wanted -needed- to take her to the library, but on their way was Moe's shop. Since he had tried to send her passed the town line, Moe hadn't seen his daughter, and Mr Gold was afraid any confrontation with the hot-tempered man would be devastating. So, as they passed in front of Game of Thorns, Mr Gold's grip on her arm tightened, but Belle didn't pay attention to it until the large man carrying a box of flowers on the shop's threshold let his load fall down in a loud noise. What Gold feared was happening.  
“Belle!” Moe exclaimed, visibly shocked, but Mr Gold hurried through the street as fast as his limp could allow him, making her follow him without the chance to talk to the man.   
“Who... who was this man?” she asked once they were far enough to slow down, but she was only confronted to his silence. “He seemed to know me. Perhaps he could help me.. remember who I was...”  
“I doubt that.”   
“Please, tell me. If you want me to help you, you have to help me too.” She put her hand above the one holding on his cane and looked at him, the same way she did before entering his shop, the day Hook had devastated it to steal Bae's shawl. “Please... Tell me... Who was this man?”  
“... He... He's just someone who used to wish you hurt.” he replied, bitterly, and Belt felt she shouldn't ask more, for there was this darkness in his eyes, this anger, which he never wore when he was with her, her who he had looked with nothing but tenderness and -Belle was afraid to admit it- love. They had stopped under the clock tower, and Gold nervously took a key from his pocket and opened the door. Inside, everything was dark.   
“Come” he said before entering, but Belle stayed there a few moment. She was afraid. Of him, of this side of him she didn't knew. But rapidly, she collected herself. ''Trust Mr Gold'' she said to herself. ''Trust Mr Gold, he'll protect you.'' It's what the man -Jefferson, was it his name?- had told her. She sighed. ''Trust Mr Gold'' she said, and she entered in the dark room. 

“Okay, just come one step closer...” Mr Gold said, and even if she couldn't see his face, she could feel that he was smiling. He took her hand, to bring her to what she thought was the center of the room, and stayed still.  
“Are you ready?” he asked, and she nodded, before it came to her mind that he couldn't see her neither. Or could he, because he didn't wait any longer before turning all the lights on and letting her breathless. Around her, an endless number of books was strictly arranged on shelves, or in piles next to a counter.   
“It's... It's wonderful. There's more books in here that I could read in a lifetime...” she said, making him smile.  
“Well, I wouldn't bet on that... If you're to come here everyday, I'm sure you'll manage...”  
“What do you mean? Coming here everyday?”  
“All of that, Belle, is yours.” he said, and he saw a spark illuminating her eyes. “Come with me, there's something else.” he added, presenting his hand to show her the way to a stair that lead to a simple red door. Mr Gold searched into his pocket and found a key. “Please”, he said, opening the door for her on a perfectly cosy and elegant apartment.  
“Welcome home, sweetheart.”  
“Is it where you live? Where... we live?”  
“No, no. I own a house further down the street. That's your apartment. I know it is small, but, well... considering its location, I believed you might like it. And you still have a separated bedroom. From the living room, I mean. Your tiny place, you said. You hated the kitchen, though... You found it a bit...” he had started, but she hushed him by placing a light kiss on his lips.   
“...formal...” he finished, blushing hard when she looked at him.  
“Thank you.”  
“You're quite welcome...”  
“I mean, not just for that, the library, the apartment. Thank you for helping me. I have no idea of how I'm gonna pay you back...”  
“Well... I've got quite an idea” he said playfully, before taking her hands in his. “Miss French, will you do me the honor of having dinner with me tonight? I know Granny's not the most tasteful restaurant, but it is friendly and heartwarming.”  
“Then, Mr Gold, it would be a pleasure.” she said, taking his arm and leading them both outside, a smile on their faces.


	4. First date

They arrived at Granny's dinner hand in hand. The night had fallen upon Storybrooke, and with it, a light breeze which made Belle shiver.   
“There. All better.” Mr Gold said as he put his jacket on her small shoulders. Then, he pulled the door to open it for her.  
“Please, come in...” he said with a not-so-formal bow.  
“Oh, a perfect gentleman, I see.” she teased, and entered. But once inside, she felt bad. Everyone was staring at her, some of them even whispering, and her heart made a U-turn. That's nevertheless when she was feeling nearly sick that Mr Gold gently put his hand at the small of her back to guide her towards the only empty table. She sighed, recollected herself, and sat on the couch. She was barely sit when she heard someone call her, making her nervousness rise again as she expected to see someone else from her forgotten past. But it wasn't that at all. When she raised her eyes, she saw, in front of her, Ruby handing her the menu and smiling at her.  
“Oh, Ruby! How are you?”  
“I should be the one asking you. I'm so glad you're finally out of the hospital!”  
“Me too. But... I haven't... Well I still don't remember, but Mr Gold promised he will help me.”  
“Mr Gold? Wow, sounds so formal from your lips... but, yeah, I'm sure he will take a good care of you. You know what? I'll let you two talk and when you've decided what you'll have, just call me!”  
“Thank you Ruby. Not just for that. For company and books. It was great to have someone to talk to, you know... there.”  
“No problem. You'd have done the same for me.” the brunette joyfully replied before disappearing in the kitchen. After the girl Belle considered a friend had left, she wandered her eyes on the menu. There were so many things, she had no idea what to choose, what she'd like, even if the food would taste the same. So, she put her menu aside, and looked straight into Mr Gold's eyes.   
“What would you like?”  
“I have no idea. That's why I'll let you choose. I think you know better than me what I used to eat.”  
“As you wish...” he said, surprised. “Miss Lucas? Could we have two iced teas, two hamburgers, extra pickles for me, please?”  
“I bring you that!” they heard her say from behind the counter.  
After a few seconds of silence, simply looking at the life of the dinner, Belle spoke.  
“So... Hamburgers, hum?”  
“Yeah... It is... it is actually what you wanted to eat on our first... meal here. You had never eaten hamburgers before and I... I had to make amends for mistakes I had made. You must know... You were the one who made me a good man. But I'm still flawed. Making the wrong choices...”  
“That's okay. I chose to go with you. We'll work it together.”

All along the dinner, they talked, about books, or the strange objects Mr Gold had collected in his shop, with a spark in her eyes as she carefully listened to each of their awkward stories. She kept on asking him questions, about far-off places he knew, like the one he refered to as ''home'' and which seemed both wonderful but unreachable. She asked about her life, too, about the life of the other people of the town, or simply listened to Mr Gold bargaining with Granny about their ''complicated history''. And now, they were outside, walking along the streets, speaking loudly, laughing under the night sky.   
“Well...” Mr Gold said when they reached her apartment. “Our ways must differ... I had a nice day with you, Belle.”  
“Thank you. I did, too.”  
“And... well...” he seemed embarassed, looking at his feet, apparently looking for words, and it made Belle smile. “I'm... I'm sure you'll manage on your own, but would you need anything, even if it's just to know where you used to put the sugar, please, don't hesitate to call me. My number's in your phone. Okay?”  
“Sure. Thank you.”  
“Alright. Then, goodnight, Belle.” he said, before turning back and starting to leave.  
“Wait!”  
“Yes?”  
“Where is it? The sugar?” she asked, and he laughed.   
“In the kitchen, third cupboard from the left. On the lower shelf.”  
“Thank you” she smiled, and he nodded, before finally disappearing in the distance.   
Belle sighed as she took her key and opened the door.


	5. A castle and a cup

Belle had been in her bed for what felt a long time. After he'd left, she had taken a long, hot bath to relax, but her mind was inexorably coming back to him with no explanation. So, she had dressed into a comfortable pyjamas and jumped under the sheets of her bed, a book in her hands, until sleep finally took her away. How did she end up like that, both amnesiac and insomniac, she didn't know. Perhaps was it because every time she closed her eyes there was this nightmare, those pictures which had brutally awoken her, a drop of sweat running from her temple. She knew it was nothing more than a bad dream, a figure of her mind, but it felt so... true. So real. She could easily see herself, in that long, foreign room only furnished with a huge table, a few chairs, a chest and a covered mirror, bringing a set of tea. She could see the cup with the chip – the one Mr Gold had brought her as her 'talisman' back in the hospital, and that she had heartlessly shattered to pieces. And she could see this man -or was it a man, for she only could see his eyes, where she first read love, pain and regret, and then rage, disgust and distrust. And then there was the loneliness of a dark cold room, and finally, the emptiness of the asylum. Belle stood up and started to walk around her apartment. Mr Gold was right. It was small, and she rapidly found herself back in front of her bed. She sighed, intensively looking at her phone. He told her she could call him anytime, and it didn't take her long before she took it and started looking for his number. In its list of contact, she saw names they had talked about in the dinner, Archie, the shrink, David, ''Storybrooke's Prince Charming'' as Mr Gold had told her, Emma, the sheriff, even Leroy, who looked grumpy but ''had a good heart''. But no Mr Gold. So, she continued. She smiled when she saw Ruby's name, and when she scrolled to the next person, she finally found him. On the picture, they were together, smiling, and it looked so casual it made her understand what Ruby had meant with her ''sounds so formal from your lips''. She was about to press the ''call'' button, when her eyes met his name. It said ''Rumple''. Her smiled went wider and she nearly laughed. Was she really calling the most feared man of the town ''Rumple''? For surely it wasn't his real name, she thought, before finally calling him. She should have been surprised he answered so rapidly, but after all the affection he'd shown, she wasn't that much.  
“Belle? Is everything all right?”  
“Yeah... I... I just couldn't sleep... Feeling a bit alone here...”  
“You want me to keep you company at the library?”  
“Actually, I was thinking that, perhaps, we could go to your home. I guess I've been there before, and I'd like to see where you live.”  
There was a pause, and she wondered if she had been to bold. But then, she heard him talk again.  
“All right, I'll fetch you in... let's say twenty minutes.”  
“Thank you”  
“No matter.” he replied, before hanging up.

She got ready fast and decided to wait for him outside. Five minutes later, his car stopped in front of her and he went out.   
“Hi.”  
“Hi... Sorry for bothering you...”  
“Don't worry”, he said, taking her in his arms for a short hug that was more friendly than else.   
“Quick, come in, you'll get cold.” he adds, and they both headed towards the car.  
The drive back to his home was quiet. She admitted to herself that she was tired, and was about to fall asleep when the car stopped. Still lost in her thoughts, she saw him get out of the car and go to open her door.  
“If Sleeping Beauty wants to follow me...” he teased, helping her out.   
In front of her, a huge -pink- mansion was located in the middle of a beautifully flowered garden.  
“Is...Is this your castle ?”  
He laughed as he looked at her, and nodded.  
“You can call it that if you want. I'd rather say home.”  
“You told me I dropped that cup in your castle.”  
“In that case, yeah, that's my castle.”  
“That's rather large for a lonely man... And er... I'm sorry...”  
“Sorry ?”  
“For your cup. You asked me to be careful with it and I... I just broke it...” she said, ashamed.  
“That's alright. It's just a cup” he told her, but she could feel in his voice that it wasn't true. That it was so much more.  
He placed his hand at the small of her back once again, and helped her up the few steps that lead to the front door. He opened it, and gave her his hand to guide her inside the house. She was a bit disappointed, she thought, as she thought memories would magically come back just by passing the threshold. He must have read in her face her confusion, for he brought his hand to his face to fake a cough, visibly embarrassed. She hesitantly stepped inside, afraid that there, again, she wouldn't find the forgotten memories which were causing him so much pain. And she didn't. Of course, there were pictures of them -of her, too- everywhere, always smiling, in a park, in what she recognized as dinner with, indeed, two hamburgers, two iced teas, or her working at the library. She laughed as she took the photograph in her hands to have a better look at it. The picture must have been taken without her knowing, considering the odd face she was making.  
“You didn't know how a camera worked” a voice said behind her, making her jump. Mr Gold approached her and took the picture from her hand with a smile.  
“You had just started your work at the library. It was a lot to do. The place had been abandoned for years. When this photo was taken, you had worked all day long, and had forgotten our dinner at Granny's, so I had decided to bring you your meal. I asked you to smile at me to immortalize this moment but you... smiled and then turned back your head because...”  
“...because I didn't know you were about to take a photo... I didn't know how to use a camera?” Belle laughed, taking his arm in her hand. “Seriously?”  
“Yeah, you didn't. Neither did you know about the fridge, or the phone.”  
“Tell me I knew for the microwave...”  
“Not even” he said and they both laughed heartily.   
“I came from another place and time or I was just a total idiot?”  
“You've always been the cleverest woman I've ever met, trust me. It's just... When you were younger, you went through a lot. Locked up in the asylum by an evil woman who just wanted to... well, anyway, you were alone for so long, in a cold white room. You forgot about... life, society, everything. After we found each other, we went through all of this. I taught you how to use the ''silly magical objects'' as you called them.” They smiled, when suddenly, they heard something ring.  
“Oh, god, I nearly forgot your tea. I started to prepare it before I left to fetch you I come back!” he said, before disappearing in the kitchen.  
Belle smiled to herself. She expected to find the place aloof, hostile even, as if entering into someone's life, but instead, she was feeling good, cosy. She felt home.   
“The living room is this way, Belle” she heard Mr Gold say. “Please, get comfortable.”. Without a word, she headed towards the voice and sat on a sofa. The kitchen was open on the living room, and even if she was turning back to him, she could easily hear him, opening cupboards, putting two plates on the worktop, pouring some tea, adding sugar. It was basic, daily sounds, but it felt like music to Belle's ears.   
“There.” he said, putting the plates on the table in front of her. According to his voice, his trembling hands and his concerned smile, he was anxious, perhaps even more than her. They drank, silent once again, before he finally stood up.  
“Belle, do you want me to show you around?”  
“I would like that.” she answered, taking the hand he was presenting her.  
His home was as huge as it seemed from outside, with many secret rooms full of ancient objects and mysterious keepsakes. With a proud tone, he showed her the library, located in the turret at the back of the mansion, where books were organized on at least five meters high, with marble staircases to reach them all. Belle's eyes were sparkling, a huge smile crossing her face.   
“It's wonderful... Thank you!”  
“Wait, you haven't seen our place.”  
“Our place?”  
“Strangely, the library wasn't where you used to spend most of your time. Follow me.”  
They walked across the first floor of his home, before reaching a small, nearly invisible door.  
“Go ahead, open it.” he said, and she did, before being at loss for words. In front of her eyes, was a tiny, cosy room, a huge carpet laying in front of a chimney surrounded by a few shelves of books. A fire was burning, enlightening the place, filling it with a sweet warmth.   
“When the night fell, we used to stay here, and read, sometimes for hours. It was our secret place. Our moment. No one could steal it.”  
“Perhaps we could try it now? Which book do you like?” Belle enthusiastically said, looking at every titles. “Oh, look, this one! I... I actually remember reading it. I don't... remember how it ends, nor what happens, but the title sounds familiar.”  
Mr Gold was towards her to look at the cover.   
“Anna Karenina. Hum... Interesting. A tragic love story, sweetheart.”  
“Aren't they all tragic?”  
“In a way... Everyone gets separated from their loved ones one day or another. It's... life.”  
“But eventually they'll always find one another in the end.” Belle said, taking his hand. “I want you to read it to me. Please?”  
Mr Gold smiled, taking the book from her hand, and guided her to the couch where he sat next to her. At first, he was clearly embarrassed, clearing his throat, lightly loosing his tie, but when she put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, relaxed, he wrapped her in his arms, and let himself forget that she wasn't really here.


	6. A life together

After two long hour reading together, and the last page of the book turned, Belle looked at Mr Gold with amusement.  
"What is it, dearie?"  
"I wondered why, in my phone, your name in my contacts is Rumple. I mean, it's kind of unusual. A surname or...?"  
"Yeah. You used to call me that. You know, you always teased me about how I was dressed, always wearing a suit, a tie. I always am... Mr Gold... It's formal, cold-hearted. And then you got to know me, and discover that behind all this wall of... Order and righteousness, there was a heart, and that that heart was a bit of a mess, some place to clean up, to repair. And you made it work again, with time, and made of the broken man I was well... At least someone who's just lightly chipped."  
In front of his speech, Belle found herself voiceless, trying to resist those tears threatening to fall from her eyes. But Mr Gold broke her discomfort as he stood up.  
"I believe, you must be tired. I'll show you to your room."  
"Yes, please." She answered with a smile, standing up too, ready to follow him. He lead her up the stairs where she had never been before, and found herself in front of a small corridor full of doors. Still silent, he opened one of them and lead her inside.   
"There. This is my room. You'll stay here, I guess it is the most comfortable one. You have a bathroom just across the corridor. I'll sleep in the couch downstairs, if you need something."  
He was about to leave when she kept him here.  
"Why... Why the couch? I believe you have spare rooms, haven't you?"  
"I can't make you a huge library and have spare rooms, sweetheart..." He tried to tease, but Belle felt he was hiding something.  
"This corridors has many doors. And they don't all lead to the library."  
"You got me. I do have. Two spare rooms. One has been left aside for so long it must be kind of filthy. I told you I was a lonely man."  
"What about the other one?"  
"The other one is dedicated to someone... Special. Someone long lost to me..." He said, and Belle swallowed hard.  
"Belle. I mean, the Belle you knew. Before." She replied and Mr Gold felt her sudden sadness  
"Oh, no, no, sweetheart it isn't that at all. This room. It's for my son. When I get him back. When our family is finally reunited."  
"Oh... Okay... I'm sorry, my curiosity will be the end of me I think..." She said, confused.  
"It s alright. I'll let you rest now. Please, consider this place your home, you can do whatever you like whenever you like. Now, sleep well, Belle"  
"You too, Rumple" she tried, and it made him sadly smile before he closed the door, leaving her on her own.

The first thing she did was to open the cupboards, hoping that one of his shirt would suit her as a nightdress, but when she opened the wardrobe, she was left astonished in front of the clothes that were inside. Next to the suits she had expected to find, there were clothes -woman clothes- mostly dresses, some pairs of shoes and a couple of coats. She took one to have a better look at it. Of course, it was her size. So she did live here. With him. He told her that room was his, but he had lied. It was theirs. Belle withdrew and let herself fall on the bed. She closed her eyes, and thought about him. The day they had spent together, and about his home. She saw all over again room after room, and finally stopped herself to one thought. Yes, she could easily picture herself in this house, cooking, reading, wandering in the garden or taking long warm bath after a day at work. She could smell the flavor of a dark chocolate cake slowly cooking in the hoven, see the colors of the sky melting on the bright colorful flowers along the way to the door, and feel the caress of the water on her skin. And she realised she wanted this life, and this peaceful, reassuring comfort, even if the idea of living with a man absolutely terrified her.


	7. Will you kiss me goodnight?

Belle turned again and again in her bed, but nothing could change her fate. Sleep simply didn't want to take her away. She sighed, giving up, and looked at the clock. It was 4. She couldn't understand what was wrong. She was finally out of the hospital, safe, in a homely place, under warm and soft covers. But still, something was missing. She didn't want to do what her mind told her to, but her feet seemed out of her control when they reached out of the bed and started to walk towards the door. She sighed again and decided to trust her feelings. So, she walked through the corridor, down the stairs as silently as possible. On the first floor, only the light of the moon, coming through the windows, allowed Belle to distinguish the furniture. She started tiptoeing towards the sofa, but hissed when her bare feet walked on the cold tiled floor of the kitchen. When she reached the living room, she smiled. As she expected, Mr Gold was wrapped under a woolen blanket on the couch, and was sleeping so soundly Belle felt her heart break and hesitated not going back to her room to let him rest. But that's when she started to walk back that a voice stopped her.  
“Belle? Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah...” she said, rapidly coming back to his side and sitting on the small spot of the sofa that wasn't occupied by his body. “I just couldn't sleep” she said, reaching out her hand to put away the few hair hiding his eye, and then, lightly touch his cheek. His eyes automatically closed and he smiled, what Belle found heartwarming. “I'm sorry I woke you up. Again...”  
“It's no matter, sweetheart.”  
“I just... It's just that... I've been alone for so long, and then I was in my lonely apartment, and now, I found myself there, in your huge bed and I... I just don't want to be alone anymore.” she bravely said.   
Mr Gold looked at her, first confused, then astonished, and she felt her cheeks turn red with her own boldness.   
“I wondered if you could come with me? Upstairs? I mean... I found clothes. For a woman. My size. It's obvious we've lived together and...”  
Mr Gold hushed her embarrassed justification by placing a chaste kiss on her temple and standing up.   
“Anything you want, sweetheart.” and he started to walk. He looked so tired, achy, that when he rested more heavily his body on his cane than what he did during the day, Belle felt selfish and spoiled. But he turned to her, and looked at her with a smile.  
“Aren't you coming?” he said, giving her his hand, that she gladly took.

It's a strange feeling, sharing a bed, Belle thought as she was contemplating the ceiling. They were both silent, on their side of the bed, and even if he didn't say anything, she could tell by the sound of his breathing that Mr Gold wasn't asleep. So, she decided to break the silence.   
“Where were we going?”  
“Sorry, what?”  
“When I had my accident. We were leaving, weren't we? There was your car, we were at the border of the town...”  
He sighed and closed his eyes. Should he tell her or will she disapprove him as Bae did? But she put her hand above his, and he felt his heart pounding wildly.  
“There was someone I had to find. Someone I hadn't seen in years. Someone I failed, and I needed to say sorry. After 28 years waiting for it, I finally discovered where he lived.”  
“It is about your son, isn't it? The one for who you're keeping the room untouched? You did find him.”  
He nodded, but still seemed sad.   
“That's great! Now you'll be a family again!”  
“Things are more complicated than that. He didn't want me to find him. Doesn't want me as his family. He hates me, and honestly, I understand him.”  
There was a confused silence, as his words deeply hurt Belle, who would have given everything to have her family back. But then, she remembered who she had to be. His light. His strength. His hope.  
“Perhaps it's not too late... He'll forgive you.”  
“You think?”  
“I'm sure” she replied with the most sincere smile. His own was sad but true, and he sighed as he brought his hand around her waist to bring her closer to him. They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds, and this time, he was the one to be bold, softly kissing her.  
“Oh, Belle... What would I do without you?” he said, filling her heart with joy, as she placed her head on his chest to fall asleep with the peaceful rhythm of his heartbeat.


	8. To meet a son

“Belle?”   
His voice sounded different, on the phone, she thought. More... confident, she'd say.  
“Hi, Rumple! How are you?” she'd been calling that for a week. At the beginning, it was only to tease him, but she finally got used to it, and considered it would perhaps break this thin wall of ice that seemed to keep them apart.   
“I'm... fine. Could you come to the shop? There's something I need to ask you.”  
“Sure, I'll be there in... twenty minutes, is it alright?”  
“Perfect, thank you.” he seemed relieved. “See you soon, then.”  
Belle had lied. She could easily be by his shop in less than ten minutes. At this hour, no one was in the library but her, so she only had to close the door and cross the street. But she didn't want him to know she'd been waiting for this phone call the whole morning. And the mornings before. He wanted her to be independent, and she didn't want to disappoint him. As she had a few minutes to keep busy, she went upstairs, and readjusted her outfit, checked her hair-dress and completed her make-up before finally leaving. In the street, she tried to keep her feet from running towards the shop, but when she arrived, his astonished look made her understand the twenty minutes weren't exactly over.  
“Oh...I'm... I'm sorry...” she said, blushing and feeling terribly ridiculous, but he came closer to her and took her hand.  
“Don't worry... I just wasn't expecting you that early and I'm afraid your surprise stayed in the back of the shop... I'll just fetch it. Wait here?” he teased.  
“A surprise? Then I think I should close my eyes.”  
She did so, and listened to him pushing away the curtain that separated the rooms and fumble around until she heard him step back. Then, she felt him took her hand and place a small box at the center of her palm.  
“There, open them.”  
She smiled, and started to pull on the white ribbon keeping the box close. Inside, there was a necklace with a rose pendant.  
“It's beautiful. How did you know roses were my favorite flowers?”  
“I was lucky... Do you want me to...?”  
“Please”  
On her skin, the silver was cold on her skin, but she was merely focused on his hands. He was... trembling.   
“Is everything alright? You seem... nervous...”  
“You... You remember when I told you about my son?”  
“Yeah, of course. That you found him and...”  
“Well I did more than just found him. He's here. In Storybrooke.”  
“He... He came? For you?” she said, feeling so happy for him.  
“Not exactly... He came... because his son lives here.”  
“His what?” she said, but instead of finding a look of disgust in her face, he saw amusement, and she starter to laugh.  
“So you're... you're a … a grandfather?”  
“It seems so...”  
“I can't wait to meet him!”  
“You won't have to wait too long. My son. He wants to talk to me. We're supposed to meet at Granny's in... well, a few minutes. I wanted to ask you if you... would... come with me?”  
So that's why he's been so anxious! She sighed, both reassured, and even happy. He wanted her to come with him. He wanted her as part of his life. As part of his family.  
“It would be a pleasure to meet your son, Mr Rumple.” she answered, smilingly, and she took his arm to lead him outside.

They had walked quite quickly, but now that they were in front of the dinner, Mr Gold had stopped and was looking at the blinking sign.   
“Is everything all right?” Belle asked, visibly concerned.  
“Yeah, yeah... It's just that...”  
“That?”  
“I'm afraid, Belle. Terrified. I so much want him to forgive me but... I've done terrible things, and he was the one to suffer from them. That's why he had to grow up fatherless...”  
“But you came back for him. That was strong.”  
“You were the one to make me stronger.” he replied, and sighed before finally pushing the door. When they came inside the dinner, a man -who she understood to be Baelfire- stood up, and they walked towards him. But now that they were facing each other, no one dared to say a word, each one waiting for the other to make the introduction.   
“Hello, Papa.” Baelfire finally said.  
“Hi, son. This is...Belle. Belle, this is my son, Baelfire.”  
She smiled, and confidently extended her hand.  
“Nice to meet you, Baelfire.” she said, happily.  
Next to her, Rumple was discreetly trembling, so, after they had shaked hands with Bae, she took his own one in hers, and she felt him relaxed. That's true, perhaps she was his strength.  
After their meal had arrived, they had started to talk. Even if she didn't have much to tell, and Baelfire seemed to be fascinated by her, for he just listened, a smile forming on his face. 

That girl was peculiar. A kind he had never met in his way-too-long life. But something was emanating from her deep-blue eyes, wisdom, strength, kindness, too. But what intrigued him even more was the way his father was looking at her. Of course there were those obvious signs, the way they were shyly touching, understanding the other without having to say a word, the way their voice changed, too, when talking to each other, becoming more hesitant, blushing. But nothing could show more the way he felt about her than his eyes. So, when he left to pay the bill at the counter, Baelfire decided to tell her.  
“You know, Belle, I'm glad you're here. I mean, not only here in the dinner, but here in general. In... my father's life. I don't know if he told you, but after my mother left, he had a real hard time. Wondering if he could be a good father, if he could raise me alone. But then, he was so afraid of losing me, too, that he changed. He became...evil. I know he was only trying to protect me, but it was too much... His fears turned into a desire for power, for vengeance, and he became so addicted it made me leave. Because I couldn't bear to see the man I so much loved being transformed into a monster. He was lost to me. But today, when I looked at him, I saw him again. I saw my old Papa. I still see the flaws, the mistakes and the lies, but I also can see that deep down, the man who'd hold me at night, when I was afraid, still lives and struggles to come back. Now that you're here, I see in him what I thought was lost to him forever.”  
“What's that?”  
“Love.”


	9. White lies

Weeks had passed, turning the fresh late winter sun into a peaceful warm caress on the skin. Life was easy. Every morning, Belle would open the library and welcome the few people who'd come there looking for romance or adventure. Sometimes, she'd see Archie who'd try to make her pour out her heart with a genuine smile, or Leroy, just coming to say hello, but her mind was far away, looking at the clock, waiting for the twelve bangs of the clock which came with the door opening on Mr Gold. If she was busy, he would wait, leaning on his cane, staring at each one of her moves across the room. Finally, she'd take her coat and they'd both go to Granny's for lunch. Usually, the afternoon was busy, Mary Margaret often visiting her with her class, and Belle would make every one sit down to passionately read them a story. Once they'd left, with stars in their eyes, she'd meet Ruby coming back from work and they would walk to the pawnshop. Usually, they would eat at his home and walk back to her apartment, and sometimes, he would stay the night, sleeping on the couch and keeping an eye on her dreams. He relationship with Mr Gold was... perfect. Perhaps too perfect, even. She'd talk about her day, or some random thoughts that would come to her mind, and he would listen, and he would care, treating her like a whole person and not just the shadow of someone else. But never they would talk about what happened to her, nor, would he dare touch her, even simply taking her hand in his own, as if the two light kisses they had share were nothing but figures of her lost memory. But this day, everything changed. 

He'd called her in the morning, asking her if she'd want to help him with his inventory, and she had gladly accepted, eager to hear the stories he'd have to tell her about all the mysterious objects he'd collected. When she arrived, he had already put a dozen of boxes on the floor or on the counter, and he welcomed her with a huge smile.   
“Shall we start?” he said playfully.  
“Sure!”  
They classified old maps of far-off places, dozens of silver watches, necklaces and other jewels sets of Chinas or little statues, and, after two hours, she was sitting, lazily leaning on he counter, and he had lost his vest and loosen his tie. They had abandoned their mission, and were casually talking, laughing, when suddenly, his eyes stopped on the silhouettes passing in front of his door.   
“What is it?” she asked, concerned.  
“I... I need to go”, he replied, standing up and taking his vest. “Can I ask you to keep an eye on my shop until I come back?”  
“Of course... But... Nothing's wrong, I hope?”  
“Don't worry, sweetheart. I just forgot there was something I had to do. I'll be back soon.” he said, before closing the door, leaving her alone.  
She sighed. Now that he was gone, she had time to think about him, them, and she felt it was necessary to get things changed. She liked this life, but she wanted more, and she knew that to achieve that, she had to make the first move. She stood up, and went to the back of his shop, putting files in order, but her mind still debating . It was quite obvious that he liked her, and she liked him too, so what was the harm? Losing a friend, she thought. But they couldn't continue like this. Every day, she felt it was harder for him to hide his sadness, and after everything he had done for her, it was time she relieved him from his pain. So, she made up her mind. Once he'd be back, she would tell him the truth of her feelings. 

When she heard the familiar sound of the doorbell, she felt her heart plunder. Trying not to let her emotions take control of her, she slowly rose from the chair she had sit on to wait, and headed towards the sound. Her smile was wide and her eyes were shining, when she opened the curtain that separated the shop and the back shop, but her happiness and excitement rapidly collapsed. Mr Gold was standing silently in the middle of the room, his hands lightly shuddering, looking down. He looked... sad. No, more than sad, she thought. Defeated. Devastated. She softly cleared her throat to let him know of her presence. The noise made him raise his head, and as soon as their eyes met, he ran into her arms.  
“He's dead, Belle. My son... He's dead.”  
“Oh...”  
She didn't know what to reply, but when she felt his hand tighten their embrace and his face burying into her hair, his whole body shaking with a cry, she understood there was nothing to say. So, she brought her arms around him and hold him close against her heart. 

Once he'd relieved her, she helped him get to the back room's couch and sat next to him, her hand on his back.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Someone shot him. And he fell. Through a portal.”  
“A portal?”  
“To the Enchanted Forest. Or somewhere else. Anywhere... He's gone.”  
She couldn't understand what he was saying, but decided not to ask. She stood up, and started to pour him a drink. He was visibly shocked, and the nonsense he was talking about was surely one of its consequences. Suddenly, there was a violent shake made her lose her balance.  
“What... What was that?”  
“Just an earthquake, sweetheart. Don't worry.”  
“Okay...” she said, but she wasn't much reassured.   
Quakes shacked the town for almost half an hour. Bell could see from the windows that on the streets, people were running, panicked, shouting and asking for help. But nothing seemed to reach the shop, and Mr Gold was still sitting silently on the couch. However, when everything calmed down, he raised his head and whispered.  
“She did it.”  
“Who did what?”  
“Regina. She did it. She saved us. It's not to late...”  
“To late for what?”  
“Come with me” he said, standing up with a new strength, and heading towards the door, when she placed herself in front of the exit and preventing him from leaving.  
“Belle, come on...”  
“No. You've been lying to me long enough. Now I want the truth.”  
He looked at her, astonished by her sudden exasperation, and sighed.  
“You're right. You deserve the truth. But it is not an easy one...”


	10. See you again

“What??”  
Mr Gold was sitting on the couch again, and Belle was pacing up and down the room.  
“I told you it wouldn't be easy.”  
“Not easy? You're asking me to believe in magic, Mr Gold, magic!” Belle was upset.   
“So back to Mr Gold, isn't it?”  
“What did you expect? That I would take it seriously? That I would what... believe? Please, I'm the one who's amnesiac but I'm the saner person in this room. How could just...”  
Lost in her anger, Belle had not paid attention to his fist opening out and forming a ball of fire at the center of his palm. When she saw it, Belle was left voiceless.  
“How... How did you do that?”  
“As easily as that” he said, moving his hand towards a scrap paper and setting fire to it. Belle watched the flame devour the page and dying in a thin ray of smoke.  
“What did you just do?”  
“I made you believe.”  
“So... You weren't kidding... when you talked about magic... It does exist...” Fear had replaced anger in her voice.  
“Yeah... It is as real as you and me...”  
“Why did you hid it from me?”  
“It was only to protect you. Magic... it sounds wonderful, allowing people to do whatever they want. But in fact, it always comes with a higher price than we expected.”  
“That's why your son left you. He was afraid.” she asked, and he nodded.  
“I'll go find the others. I guess Tamara is still somewhere and they'll help me find her.”  
“Can't I go with you?”  
“I suppose you must be quite upset... I will understand if you prefer leaving me.”  
“No. I... am upset, for sure. And all of this, magic and all... it's still hard to swallow but, I guess if it was part of the previous Belle's life, I can get used to it too.”  
“You've always been so brave...”  
“What are we waiting for? Let's go!”

They found the Charmings in the docks, and Belle tried not to laugh when she imagined him riding a horse with a shining armor. But everyone looked concerned. Emma was the first to talk.  
“Gold. They've taken Henry. Tamara and Greg. They stole Regina's bean and used it.”  
“What?”  
“They're gone. We don't know where, but we'll go after them.” Charming explained.  
“And can I know how you intend on crossing realms?”  
“Thanks to me!” Hook exclaimed from his ship.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, he's got a bean too.” Emma explained. “He'll lead us wherever they went.”  
“Then I go with you.” Mr Gold replied.  
“What?”  
Everyone turned to Belle and she perceived she'd spoken louder than she wanted. Mr Gold turned to face them, and everyone understood he wanted to talk to Belle in private. He waited for everyone to get on the boat before turning back to her.  
“Belle I... I have to go...You have to stay here.”  
“Why... I... I want to help!” she exclaimed, but soon realized how ridiculous her request was. She didn't remember who she was and barely believed in magic. How could she have helped?  
“Belle, you need to stay... There's something I haven't told you. There's a prophecy saying that the boy who'd help me find my son will be my undoing. This boy, it's Henry.”  
“What does that mean?” she asked, but she had understood. He wasn't coming back.  
“I've failed my son all his life. But now, I finally have the chance to make amends. That's why I'm decided to save Henry's life, and give mine in exchange.”

Belle wanted to cry. She raised her hand, and put away the few hair falling into his eye,like she did, the first night she stayed at his home.   
“But I need you...”  
“No, Belle, you don't.You're brave, you're strong. You don't need anyone, especially not me...”  
Charming suddenly appeared from the ship.  
“Gold, we have to go.”  
“Okay...” he replied, his voice trembling.  
“So, we have to say goodbye?”  
“I guess so...”  
“Look... I know that I'm totally ignorant about magic, but I think... no, I fell, that it isn't over. I will see you again.”  
Lead by her sadness, her despair, but also all the love she had for the man standing in front of her, she brought a hand at the back of his head and brought him down for a kiss. It was nothing like the soft and chaste kisses they had first shared, but when Belle deepened it and could taste her own tears on their lips, she felt a violent spasm ran through her body. Images like flashes came back to her mind, this foreign room with its long table, its chairs, its covered mirror and its set of tea, this chipped cup, and those eyes that had haunted her nights for so long. She broke the kiss, out of breath.  
“What's... what's happening to me?”she asked, panicked, but she felt Mr Gold smile, taking her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him.   
“Kiss me again, it's working...”  
“What's working?”  
“True Love's Kiss” he whispered, before his lips captured hers with a new hope. And this time, Belle didn't fight the pictures. She let herself get invaded, by this foreign room with its long table, its chairs, its covered mirror and its set of tea, this chipped cup, by the eyes. There was the loneliness of the dark cold room too, and the emptiness of the asylum, but contrary to her nightmares, the story wasn't over. This time, there was a kiss in front of a well, lost in a forest, there were laughters around iced teas and hamburgers, there were moments of happiness that had been shattered one night in front of the town line.   
It's him who broke the kiss, and looked at her with the fear of having been to bold, but she reassured him with a smile.  
“Rumple...”  
“Belle?”  
“Yes...”  
“You're... back?”  
“Yes! Yes, I'm back!” she said, and they fell into each other's arms, Rumple clenching on her as if she was going to disappear once again. Suddenly, Belle took a step back to look at him. Her eyes were reddened by tears.  
“Rumple, please, don't go...”  
“You know I have to... I have to save Henry.”  
“But what about me? Please, Rumple, I can't lose you when I've just found you...”  
“And you won't, Belle, I promise. Whatever fate awaits me where they took him, I'll always be here, by your side, as long as you keep me in even the most secret place in your heart.”  
“I love you...”  
“And I love you too. It's forever, remember?”

***

The boat had disappeared in the cyclone the magical bean had created. Before he left, he'd given her a tiny piece of paper containing a spell to protect the town. She had successfully casted it with the help of the Blue Fairy, Archie and the dwarves. And now she waited. She didn't know for how long she'd have to, but she didn't care. So, every day, she'd go to the docks, contemplate the sky from where one day, she knew the Jolly Roger would appear, and whisper to the wind.  
“You'll find Henry. And when you do, I'll be here, waiting for you when you get back.”


End file.
